Saturday, April 8, 2006

Multi-tasking at 5:30 AM...

Today's blog will have multiple topics. Why? Because I thought of a bunch of stupid little things to say.

On April 16th at the Movie Grill in Addison, The Sinus Show (formerly Mr. Sinus Theater) will be "performing" "Dirty Dancing". Sinus, for those of you who don't know, is a trio of guys (led by Jerm Pollet, who used to play guitar for one of my favorite bands, Gal's Panic) from Austin who make fun of movies. It's just like Mystery Science Theater except that it's live and in person and they usually do movies you've heard of. They are hilarious. Tickets are like twelve bucks and I believe they go on sale on Tuesday. My wife and I will be there and I'm going to tell all my friends (that'll take like 2 minutes). Check out The Sinus Show website.

Apparently, I have a clone or a twin brother (besides Nate). I am frequently stopped by people I don't know who ask me things like, "Do you have a brother named..." or "Hey! I saw you at [place I was not at]." The nice lady in the dart department at Fort Worth Billiards consistently gets me confused with a guy named Jason (who apparently looks just like me) and the manager of the Oompa Loompas (the cleaning crew where I work... story for another blog) stopped me in the breakroom yesterday and asked if I had a brother named Brian. I've had people swear they saw me at Ranger games and Scarborough Faire when I wasn't there (a rhyme!). If you are my clone, please call. I need a decoy.

In a related story, the weirdest case of mistaken identity I've had is about ten years ago when I was still working at Kroger. The brain damaged chick who was working the register in the middle of the night asked me, "Do you have a brother named John? There was this guy I met who looks just like you and his name was John." "Uh, no," I replied, "My name IS John. We're you thinking of me?" She had a quizzical look and replied, "Nooooooo....." and trailed off. I took my crackers and went to eat lunch. Never did figure out what that was all about.

I HATE Larry the Cable Guy. If you have to ask why, then I probably don't like you much either.
And now, just for the hell of it, another in a recently decided presentation of old junk I wrote years ago. This time, it's horoscopes. Or rather, "Horrorscopes". Back in '97 when we (we being mostly Ray and myself with help from Randy) were initially trying to get the Don't Ask Productions web page started (and strangely, we're still kind of in that boat), we attmpted to do monthly horoscopes from our resident soothsayer, Nostradorkus. Here are the ones he came up with in March. Keep in mind I wrote these 9 years ago and most of these were written with people I hung out with at the time.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) - I am the Eggman. They are the Eggmen. I am the Walrus. Goo goo ga joo.

Aries (March 21-April 19) - The only way you are going to burn off excess fat is to set yourself on fire. I see a period of darkness in you life followed by a period of light.... and then darkness again... and some more light....

Taurus (April 20-May 20) - Toothpaste figures prominently into your immediate future. Ease tensions at work by killing your boss with the water cooler. For crying out loud, stop calling me!

Gemini (May 21-June 20) - What have you done to your hair?!!?!?!.

Cancer (June 21-July 22) - WHOA! Get THAT thought out of your head right now! That’s repulsive.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) - He takes a whiskey drink, he takes a vodka drink, he takes a lager drink, he takes a cider drink, and he STILL won’t find you remotely attractive.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) IRS seeks soulmate who cheated on their taxes for the past 12 years. I gave them your phone number.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) - Your dream job is within grasp. That isn’t what the water hose is for. Cut it out. I like cheese!

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) - You know, I’m too damn busy to think of anything good for you. GO AWAY!!! Oh wait, here’s some advice.... BITE ME! (Especially you, you gorgeous sex kitten you!).

Sagittarius (Nov. 22- Dec. 21) - Viva la France! Your life may seem boring now, but just wait until summer. Pickles are like that..

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) - Can you say “New fry cook at McDonald’s”? GOOD!.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) - Dick Clark and Ed McMahon dropped by and asked me to tell you: YOU ARE A GUARANTEED $10 MILLION LOSER!

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