Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Great Moments in Online Journalism

Found this today while scrolling through the Yahoo! News Feeds. Nice job Yahoo!/The Daily Caller! It's even in the story itself and has been for the last 20 hours!

Reminds me of that punk rock guy who always had a runny nose, Sid Viscous.

(P.S. "viscously" is a real word, but not an adverb.)

Monday, April 14, 2014

David Keith David

Last week, I borrowed two movies from the library. One of them featured David Keith (Major League II) and the other featured Keith David (Pitch Black). This was not done on purpose.

Judging from responses by other people, I am the only one that finds this interesting.

Friday, March 28, 2014

Absurd Rhetorical Trivia

Occasionally, I have bizarre questions that pop in to my head. And honestly, they are usually pretty morbid or juvenile. Like, I'll be standing in line somewhere and as I do some people watching, I think, "I wonder who in this room will be the next to die?"
Or maybe something like, "How many people in that neighborhood are having sex RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT?!?!?"

There are many variations, but those are good family friendly examples.

It's pretty well established that my mind is a frightening place. Frightening not just in the "dark" sense, but also in an absurd, insane way.

"Ignoring food and water needs, if I was in a sealed room, what combination of plants would I need to sustain me with oxygen while being able to survive on the carbon dioxide I produce?"

"Is there, somewhere on Earth, still a store that has original Star Wars action figures still in the packages for sale because nobody that shops there cares about them?"

So, today, I had a real doozy:

"I wonder where the shoe is that holds the current record for most deaths caused by a shoe?"

But then, I had to kind of break it apart between "direct" (the shoe itself was somehow used on the person killed, like kicking, stomping, Soviet Hammering, Presidential Projectiles) and "indirect" (foot used to kick a soccer ball at somebody's head, gas pedal on a car that runs somebody over).

Does anybody keep stats on homicidal shoes?

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Giving things new, exciting names

While most people in the Universe in the Galaxy on Earth in the USA are all aflutter about March Madness (trademark? whatever) and the NCAA basketball tournament (Go Cards!), there are some other tournaments out there that exist. Granted, these lesser known (and followed) tournaments are to the NCAAs as Chachi is to Fonzi, but some people* like to follow them.

I sometimes keep track of the NIT (National Irrelevant Tournament.... or something) because 1) I am drawn to stupid, trivial information and 2) I like to see if teams I hate lose.

Anyway, SMU was snubbed by the NCAAs despite being ranked and playing well at home. But they got a #1 seed in the NIT. So, since I hate SMU and have a serious mental problem that I can't completely control that draws me to things that inevitably just make me crazy, I went to see how they were doing. They won their first game. But that's not what I'm writing about.

See, I also noticed that the University of Southern Mississippi is also in the NIT. They are better known by their nickname "Southern Miss", which conjures up images of young women in pastel petticoat dresses serving hot chocolate.

SMU is how SMU students spell "Southern Methodist University" (because "Southern" "Methodist" and "University" are big words). They also have other nicknames for SMU, like "Smoo" and "The Harvard of the South" and the funny untrue internet joke about how "Craig James killed 5 hookers while at SMU."

Sometimes, I hear them referred to as just "Southern Methodist."

Well, I like what USM does (University of Southern Mississippi not "Unstoppable Sex Machine" ala "Carter USM", a fabulous band from the UK that awesome crazy music like "Bloodsport for All" and "Sheriff Fatman") with the whole "Southern Miss" thing.

(Have you figured out where this is going yet? Do you need a minute? Because I really shouldn't even have to write anything else for you to reach the lame ass punchline to a joke that involved waaaaaaaaay too much set-up)

SMU should try doing something like that and just go by "Southern Meth"

*by "some people", I specifically mean the fanbases of teams that are playing in it.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Grade School Studies in Culture

When I think back, I'm pretty sure that my earliest impression of France was that there was a place where naked people danced and there was a hole in the wall where the children could see it all.

France seemed like a very strange place.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

List Of People I Would Like To Meet And Get An Autograph

1. John "Johnny Rotten" Lydon
2. Neil Gaiman
3. Nolan Ryan
4. Garth Ennis
5. Neil DeGrasse Tyson
6. Bill Nye
7. LaDainian Tomlinson
9. Pete Incaviglia
10. Don Rosa
11. Michio Kaku
12. Christopher Moore

Saturday, November 26, 2011

I've decided...

I'm an Atheist Jew. I don't believe in God, but I find the Jewish culture fascinating. And their god seems a whole lot less silly than the Christian version.

So, I just ordered a Menorah to put with my Nutcracker collection. You can keep Christ in Christmas, I'm gonna start celebrating Funnakah!