World Cup starts tomorrow. I'm backing England (who won't win it) and the US. Teams I throw support behind: Sweden, Netherlands, France, Germany. Teams I hate and hope they somehow manage to not make it out of the group stages: Brazil, all other South American teams, Italy, and Mexico.
I hate my job. If you have a good job, please tell me how I can get one too.
Who is James Patterson and why should I care? Is he the latest writer that the unwashed, stupid masses like to read? Sounds like it. I keep hearing this commercial with these dopey sounding people raving about "Beach Road." I think I'll pass and continue reading "Practical Demonkeeping" by Christopher Moore (highly entertaining!) and then on to "The Third Policeman" by Flann O'Brien. I don't need to read books that are super popular. My mind has a hard time equating popular with good. (See: AOL, American Idol, Larry the Cable Guy)
If you can't tell, I don't have much of importance to talk about today. But, I'm trying to make myself write everyday. Writing is something that must be done regularly, like exercise, to stay sharp. Obviously since my writings tend to be dull, I'm out of shape.
Dear President Bush,
I don't care what you are doing this very second, but stop it. Chances are, whatever you're doing is stupid, a waste of time, and possibly unconstitutional.
Sincerely,
Rotten
Thursday, June 8, 2006
Tuesday, June 6, 2006
6/6/06
(Note: I use BCE & CE (Before the Common Era & Common Era) instead of the cult-centric BC & AD)
Well, well... it's June 6th... whoopity doo!
Some fools out there are making a big deal out of it. Why? Because the date has three 6's in it... you know... like the "Mark of the Beast" thing. Of course, these same people who try and play this up seem to conveniently ignore the fact that in even the most simplified form of the date (6/6/06) still has a zero in it.
So, what really are we looking at here? The 6th day, of the 6th month, of the 6th year... of... what? The current semi-arbitrary man-created (and incorrect based on the presumed start point) millennial point on one particular calendar? Dang. That's frightening. Surely some supernatural, cosmic event shall occur on this day because the arabic numbers (man made representations) can be manipulated to kind of resemble an identifier of a purely Christian antagonist. Hell, the number itself is debated (it has also been translated to be "616").
First of all, this date is not a universal date. Granted, most of the planet uses this calendar, at least from a business perspective, but not everybody holds this calendar to be an accurate measurement of years since the birth of Jesus. And about that... chances are, Jesus was more likely born earlier than 1 BCE (or 1 CE). A lot of evidence points to around 7-5 BCE or perhaps even after 1 CE. So, the chances are extremely high that this year is NOT 2006 (by the intended source year). In fact, there is a really good chance that we've already passed "2006".
This is much the same reason I drove people nuts with my "the year 2000 is NOT the new millennium" rant years ago. (Along with the wrong birth year of Jesus, however, 2000 ENDED the millennium and 2001 STARTED the millennium because there was no year zero).
I think if there was going to be a date with 6's in it that was going to have significance, the year 666 would have been it. But nothing happened there. So I think trying to apply wacky Christian numerology to the Gregorian calendar is pretty stupid. If evil has to really reach for the "666" thing to work, then how evil is it really? Every day is 666 days from something (August 4, 2004), every year is 666 years from something (1340 was a pretty boring year).
An what exactly are we afraid of? The actual "anti-christ" that the number supposedly represents has no real foundation in anything other than Revelation. Sure "Satan", "Lucifer", and the "Devil" are all mentioned elsewhere, but there is a debate about what these names actually represent and who they represent. Depending on where the terms are used, they probably don't even refer to the same entity. The "anti-christ" is usually described as an individual or an individual in a group, but there is nothing to attach the number to a timestamp. And it's pretty much described as something that is completely the opposite of or denies Jesus. Well, gee, that narrows it down. Sure there's a bunch of other hotly debated events in Revelation (that probably resemble a Terry Gilliam fever dream), but the point is.... it's all pointless. Nobody can accurately decipher what the f$%@ is actually going on in Revelation, every detail of it is debated, and even the beings that supposedly inspired this vision of an afternoon with Hunter S. Thompson admit that they don't seem to sure when it's gonna happen either.
So. June 6, 2006. Just another fascinating day in the progression of fascinating days. Stupid people will be born and stupid people will die. And the world goes on.
Stop wasting time worrying about the significance of numbers representing human measurement of time.
Today's Julian date is 2453892.
Today's Jewish calendar date is 10 Sivan, 5766.
Today's Islamic calendar date is 9 Jumada I-Ula 1427.
Today's Persian calendar date is 16 Khordad 1835.
For more calendar conversions, go here.
Well, well... it's June 6th... whoopity doo!
Some fools out there are making a big deal out of it. Why? Because the date has three 6's in it... you know... like the "Mark of the Beast" thing. Of course, these same people who try and play this up seem to conveniently ignore the fact that in even the most simplified form of the date (6/6/06) still has a zero in it.
So, what really are we looking at here? The 6th day, of the 6th month, of the 6th year... of... what? The current semi-arbitrary man-created (and incorrect based on the presumed start point) millennial point on one particular calendar? Dang. That's frightening. Surely some supernatural, cosmic event shall occur on this day because the arabic numbers (man made representations) can be manipulated to kind of resemble an identifier of a purely Christian antagonist. Hell, the number itself is debated (it has also been translated to be "616").
First of all, this date is not a universal date. Granted, most of the planet uses this calendar, at least from a business perspective, but not everybody holds this calendar to be an accurate measurement of years since the birth of Jesus. And about that... chances are, Jesus was more likely born earlier than 1 BCE (or 1 CE). A lot of evidence points to around 7-5 BCE or perhaps even after 1 CE. So, the chances are extremely high that this year is NOT 2006 (by the intended source year). In fact, there is a really good chance that we've already passed "2006".
This is much the same reason I drove people nuts with my "the year 2000 is NOT the new millennium" rant years ago. (Along with the wrong birth year of Jesus, however, 2000 ENDED the millennium and 2001 STARTED the millennium because there was no year zero).
I think if there was going to be a date with 6's in it that was going to have significance, the year 666 would have been it. But nothing happened there. So I think trying to apply wacky Christian numerology to the Gregorian calendar is pretty stupid. If evil has to really reach for the "666" thing to work, then how evil is it really? Every day is 666 days from something (August 4, 2004), every year is 666 years from something (1340 was a pretty boring year).
An what exactly are we afraid of? The actual "anti-christ" that the number supposedly represents has no real foundation in anything other than Revelation. Sure "Satan", "Lucifer", and the "Devil" are all mentioned elsewhere, but there is a debate about what these names actually represent and who they represent. Depending on where the terms are used, they probably don't even refer to the same entity. The "anti-christ" is usually described as an individual or an individual in a group, but there is nothing to attach the number to a timestamp. And it's pretty much described as something that is completely the opposite of or denies Jesus. Well, gee, that narrows it down. Sure there's a bunch of other hotly debated events in Revelation (that probably resemble a Terry Gilliam fever dream), but the point is.... it's all pointless. Nobody can accurately decipher what the f$%@ is actually going on in Revelation, every detail of it is debated, and even the beings that supposedly inspired this vision of an afternoon with Hunter S. Thompson admit that they don't seem to sure when it's gonna happen either.
So. June 6, 2006. Just another fascinating day in the progression of fascinating days. Stupid people will be born and stupid people will die. And the world goes on.
Stop wasting time worrying about the significance of numbers representing human measurement of time.
Today's Julian date is 2453892.
Today's Jewish calendar date is 10 Sivan, 5766.
Today's Islamic calendar date is 9 Jumada I-Ula 1427.
Today's Persian calendar date is 16 Khordad 1835.
For more calendar conversions, go here.
Monday, June 5, 2006
myspace sucks
Do you have a myspace page? Probably. Everybody has one. Celebrities have them, bands that are trying to get heard have them, Goths have them, stupid adolescent children have them. It's basically the AOL of personal webpages.
I have a myspace page. It's a wasteland. I have 27 "friends." Of those 27 friends, 6 are actually friends. The others:
8 bands (2 contain actual friends, 2 acquaintances. 5 bands I have actually listened to, none of them have I seen)
2 acquaintances (1 is a friend of a friend, the other is a guy who only knows me through email)
8 celebrities that don't know me from pudding
3 "Other" (a radio show, a radio station, and a comedy act)
Meanwhile, my blog has two stupid posts. The rest of it is a bunch of lists of crap I like and something that almost resembles a resume. It looks like a monkey crapped a Spencer's Gifts and flung it on a wall.
And THAT is why I hate myspace. Do you remember when you were a kid and you had your room "decorated" with all the now embarrassing pop culture merchandising? And whenever somebody new came over you dragged that person into your room to show them how much you love whatever junk you proudly displayed. That's how my room was. Posters of cars, Nolan Ryan, Star Wars, Transformers, whatever band I liked that week, Halloween decorations, Christmas lights, an oddball assortment of ticket stubs and knickknacks, comic books, a taco, the Red Spot of Death, sombreros... crap like that. My walls were covered with stuff. It would take you forever to identify it all. It was a small, poorly financed museum of teenage nerdocity.
Now, imagine all that mess smashed onto one webpage. That is your average myspace page. Too many colors, too many pictures, loud music, way too many tiny words. It makes my head hurt trying to decipher these things.
I realize that for most of these people, myspace is the only way that they can show their uniqueness to the world and at the same time, show how popular they are with their thousands of friends they have never met.
Tom, the guy who created this waste of myspace, currently has 83,070,192 friends. Before he created myspace, Tom had 3 friends, if you count his Mom (she doesn't) and his goldfish. Tom realized that he could be the most popular guy in the world if he could create something on the web that appeals to people the way American Idol appeals to people. That appeal: mindless waste of time that has little value but allows the average hillbilly or teenage girl the appearance of actually being a part of something that is popular (like voting for which hack will get be "American Idol." Don't get me started. Why aren't the Christians condemning this show for trying to get teenagers to worship idols? Whatever...).
So there. myspace sucks. If you have a myspace page and don't agree with me... whatever. You could leave a comment, but chances are, it will have poor grammar and spelling, little or no punctuation, and a lack of logic that rivals an episode of 90210.
Guess what, myspace ain't cool anymore. It's nothing but losers trying to show off and commercials for people trying to sell themselves.
If I thought anybody actually read this blog... I might feel like a hypocrite. Instead, I'm just a pathetic guy writing a blog about how much he hates myspace.
I need a porch, a rocking chair, and a shotgun....
GO AWAY!!!!
I have a myspace page. It's a wasteland. I have 27 "friends." Of those 27 friends, 6 are actually friends. The others:
8 bands (2 contain actual friends, 2 acquaintances. 5 bands I have actually listened to, none of them have I seen)
2 acquaintances (1 is a friend of a friend, the other is a guy who only knows me through email)
8 celebrities that don't know me from pudding
3 "Other" (a radio show, a radio station, and a comedy act)
Meanwhile, my blog has two stupid posts. The rest of it is a bunch of lists of crap I like and something that almost resembles a resume. It looks like a monkey crapped a Spencer's Gifts and flung it on a wall.
And THAT is why I hate myspace. Do you remember when you were a kid and you had your room "decorated" with all the now embarrassing pop culture merchandising? And whenever somebody new came over you dragged that person into your room to show them how much you love whatever junk you proudly displayed. That's how my room was. Posters of cars, Nolan Ryan, Star Wars, Transformers, whatever band I liked that week, Halloween decorations, Christmas lights, an oddball assortment of ticket stubs and knickknacks, comic books, a taco, the Red Spot of Death, sombreros... crap like that. My walls were covered with stuff. It would take you forever to identify it all. It was a small, poorly financed museum of teenage nerdocity.
Now, imagine all that mess smashed onto one webpage. That is your average myspace page. Too many colors, too many pictures, loud music, way too many tiny words. It makes my head hurt trying to decipher these things.
I realize that for most of these people, myspace is the only way that they can show their uniqueness to the world and at the same time, show how popular they are with their thousands of friends they have never met.
Tom, the guy who created this waste of myspace, currently has 83,070,192 friends. Before he created myspace, Tom had 3 friends, if you count his Mom (she doesn't) and his goldfish. Tom realized that he could be the most popular guy in the world if he could create something on the web that appeals to people the way American Idol appeals to people. That appeal: mindless waste of time that has little value but allows the average hillbilly or teenage girl the appearance of actually being a part of something that is popular (like voting for which hack will get be "American Idol." Don't get me started. Why aren't the Christians condemning this show for trying to get teenagers to worship idols? Whatever...).
So there. myspace sucks. If you have a myspace page and don't agree with me... whatever. You could leave a comment, but chances are, it will have poor grammar and spelling, little or no punctuation, and a lack of logic that rivals an episode of 90210.
Guess what, myspace ain't cool anymore. It's nothing but losers trying to show off and commercials for people trying to sell themselves.
If I thought anybody actually read this blog... I might feel like a hypocrite. Instead, I'm just a pathetic guy writing a blog about how much he hates myspace.
I need a porch, a rocking chair, and a shotgun....
GO AWAY!!!!
Friday, June 2, 2006
Marriage Loopholes & the rest of Vegas
Okay, before I finish my (details forgotten) vacation to Vegas, I have to bring this up.
Since I work in the middle of the night (stupid job), I listen to radio talk shows online. So, last night, I was listening to "Lovelines" through the KLLI (Live 105.3) website (Why am I plugging things that I don't get paid for?) and an odd topic came up that nobody seems to know the answer.
This woman says that she's a lesbian who is married to a man who is almost done with a sex change process. So, her husband will soon be a woman. Thus, she will be married to a woman. Now, the person is the same person who has made body modifications, so is the marriage still valid?
The man and the woman never divorced and the man didn't die. He just changed some aspects of his body and presumably changed his name. So, legally I don't think anything occurred to negate the marriage. But gay & lesbian marriage isn't legal. Soooooo..... is this a fascinating loophole or does it negate the original license? I don't know. If you know, please tell me.
Okay, continuing my violation of the "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" rule...
Monday, May 15th
We got up.
While Leigh got ready, I went to Starbucks. It's a 24-hour Starbucks. Can you stand the excitement?
We wandered around. Investigated the monorail. Decided it wasn't worth it.
Went to Siegfried & Roy's Secret Garden. There are a lot of people who know about the "Secret" Garden. I think an angry former employee must have leaked the location. Of course, I'm sure that the girl at the ticket counter gets fewer books read now that people actually come to the secret garden. Yeah, this is stupid. I'll stop.
We saw the dolphins. Dolphins are cool. I could watch dolphins all day. They are smarter than people. Period. If I could pick an animal to come back as, it'd be a dolphin.
We saw the lions & tigers & leopards & alpaca & chickens. It was warm and daytime so none of them were doing much. Big Cats are nocturnal (like me) so they lay around and sleep all day (like me). But they are still some cool animals.
Then (I think) we went to the buffet and the Mirage. It was good, but I ate too much. It was uncomfortable actually. And the desserts were kinda crappy, but everything else was damn good.
Then we headed over to some other hotel to see the penguins. But the penguins were gone. They had moved to the Dallas Zoo (go figure).
There were, however, many other interesting birds. I saw an Ibis, which is a really neat bird. And there were many cute ducks... I love ducks. And there were swans and big fish and some other birds that I don't remember now.
We saw the worst Elvis impersonator ever. He looked like Hawaiian guy on Barney Miller and was lip-synching
We wandered around looking for shoes.
Watched an idiotic animatronic mumbling show involving Bacchus at the Caesar's Palace mall. I think the pirates were better.
I'm drawing a blank for the rest of the afternoon.
Oh, wait... we went to the Guggenheim Hermitage Museum thing at the Venetian. Great paintings from Rubens and other contemporaries. It was quiet and not very crowded. Probably doesn't appeal to your average Vegas visitor. I thought it was great.
Went back to the hotel and changed clothes.
Got a cab.
Went to the Rio.
Ate dinner at an overpriced crummy hamburger place. Watched part of the Mavericks game.
Went to see Penn & Teller. It was good. I nodded off once or twice, but that was not a reflection of the show. After the show, we got autographs and pictures with Penn & Teller.
Got another cab.
Went to bed.
Tuesday, May 16th
Got up.
Got ready
Went to Starbucks. Had breakfast. Saw a drunk Italian who was trying to get water from the Starbucks girls. He didn't understand that he needed to pay for it.
Went down the other way on the Strip.
Debated about going to see another show (Either Ka or Blue Man Group). Leaning toward BMG.
Went to 9 Fine Irishmen for lunch. Had fish & chips. They were pretty good. Couldn't eat it all. Getting sick of food at this point.
Went by Excalibur. Saw Merlin in the tower. Discussed why my first thought was "I wish I had a sniper rifle. That would be an easy kill."
Rode a train thingy to whatever freakin hotel the aquarium is at. I liked the hotel but I have no idea which one it is.
Went to the aquarium. Loved it. They had a couple of crocodiles. Glass was all that separated us from the crocs. So, I got to look at the crocs from about 8 inches away. Awesome. Crocodiles (and aligators) are some of the coolest animals ever. They, like sharks, are almost perfect from an evolutionary standpoint. Millions of years with virtually no modifications.
Saw many types of fish like catfish, rays, pirahna, and numerous other tropical exotic fish. Aso saw jellyfish. Those things are weird.
There was a petting pool where you could touch some small sharks and rays. I didn't feel the need to, but I think some of the fish were actually enjoying it.
Got to the giant undersea tank. There were sawfish, sand tiger sharks, reef sharks, random fish, and the coolest sea turtle. That sea turtle was really awesome to watch. It would swim right up to the glass so you could get a good look.
Left the aquarium
Got back on the train and went to the Luxor. Went through the replica of Tut's tomb. Pretty neat. The Luxor is pretty interesting too. I think I was getting vertigo looking up at the ceiling.
Saw a guy in an Arsenal shirt.
Decided I was exhausted so we got a cab back to the Aladdin.
Went to the buffet at the Aladdin. Was so tired of eating, I was craving salad. Worst Caesar salad ever.
Watched TV and went to sleep.
Wednesday, May 17
Got up.
Got ready and packed
Checked out
Left our bags at the desk
Went to the Paris for breakfast. Very nice place and a good buffet.
Went in search of a place to watch the Arsenal v Barcelona Champions League Final
Met a guy who was also looking for the game. I can't remember his name now. He used to live in Dallas but now lives in LA. He's an acquaintance of Drew Carey and was on teh game show "Distraction." Anyway, we went to Bally's and put bets on the game (he put $60 on barcelona, I put $10 on Arsenal). Then we went back to the Paris and sat in the bar and watched the game. It was fitting to watch the game at the Paris hotel since the game was being played in Paris, France.
Had to leave midway through the second half.
Went to catch our shuttle.
Shuttle to the airport with a crazy driver.
Got to airport.
Checked in
Ate at Burger King. It cost nearly $20 for two people to eat at Burger King in the Vegas airport.
Got on the plane.
Had a terrible flight. It was bumpy. They showed a movie, but I didn't pay attention (It was Cassanova with Heath Ledger). At least there were no snakes.
Landed at DFW. Waited forever for our luggage.
Got on the shuttle to the parking spot.
Found our car.
Went home
Thus endeth the narrative.
Since I work in the middle of the night (stupid job), I listen to radio talk shows online. So, last night, I was listening to "Lovelines" through the KLLI (Live 105.3) website (Why am I plugging things that I don't get paid for?) and an odd topic came up that nobody seems to know the answer.
This woman says that she's a lesbian who is married to a man who is almost done with a sex change process. So, her husband will soon be a woman. Thus, she will be married to a woman. Now, the person is the same person who has made body modifications, so is the marriage still valid?
The man and the woman never divorced and the man didn't die. He just changed some aspects of his body and presumably changed his name. So, legally I don't think anything occurred to negate the marriage. But gay & lesbian marriage isn't legal. Soooooo..... is this a fascinating loophole or does it negate the original license? I don't know. If you know, please tell me.
Okay, continuing my violation of the "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" rule...
Monday, May 15th
We got up.
While Leigh got ready, I went to Starbucks. It's a 24-hour Starbucks. Can you stand the excitement?
We wandered around. Investigated the monorail. Decided it wasn't worth it.
Went to Siegfried & Roy's Secret Garden. There are a lot of people who know about the "Secret" Garden. I think an angry former employee must have leaked the location. Of course, I'm sure that the girl at the ticket counter gets fewer books read now that people actually come to the secret garden. Yeah, this is stupid. I'll stop.
We saw the dolphins. Dolphins are cool. I could watch dolphins all day. They are smarter than people. Period. If I could pick an animal to come back as, it'd be a dolphin.
We saw the lions & tigers & leopards & alpaca & chickens. It was warm and daytime so none of them were doing much. Big Cats are nocturnal (like me) so they lay around and sleep all day (like me). But they are still some cool animals.
Then (I think) we went to the buffet and the Mirage. It was good, but I ate too much. It was uncomfortable actually. And the desserts were kinda crappy, but everything else was damn good.
Then we headed over to some other hotel to see the penguins. But the penguins were gone. They had moved to the Dallas Zoo (go figure).
There were, however, many other interesting birds. I saw an Ibis, which is a really neat bird. And there were many cute ducks... I love ducks. And there were swans and big fish and some other birds that I don't remember now.
We saw the worst Elvis impersonator ever. He looked like Hawaiian guy on Barney Miller and was lip-synching
We wandered around looking for shoes.
Watched an idiotic animatronic mumbling show involving Bacchus at the Caesar's Palace mall. I think the pirates were better.
I'm drawing a blank for the rest of the afternoon.
Oh, wait... we went to the Guggenheim Hermitage Museum thing at the Venetian. Great paintings from Rubens and other contemporaries. It was quiet and not very crowded. Probably doesn't appeal to your average Vegas visitor. I thought it was great.
Went back to the hotel and changed clothes.
Got a cab.
Went to the Rio.
Ate dinner at an overpriced crummy hamburger place. Watched part of the Mavericks game.
Went to see Penn & Teller. It was good. I nodded off once or twice, but that was not a reflection of the show. After the show, we got autographs and pictures with Penn & Teller.
Got another cab.
Went to bed.
Tuesday, May 16th
Got up.
Got ready
Went to Starbucks. Had breakfast. Saw a drunk Italian who was trying to get water from the Starbucks girls. He didn't understand that he needed to pay for it.
Went down the other way on the Strip.
Debated about going to see another show (Either Ka or Blue Man Group). Leaning toward BMG.
Went to 9 Fine Irishmen for lunch. Had fish & chips. They were pretty good. Couldn't eat it all. Getting sick of food at this point.
Went by Excalibur. Saw Merlin in the tower. Discussed why my first thought was "I wish I had a sniper rifle. That would be an easy kill."
Rode a train thingy to whatever freakin hotel the aquarium is at. I liked the hotel but I have no idea which one it is.
Went to the aquarium. Loved it. They had a couple of crocodiles. Glass was all that separated us from the crocs. So, I got to look at the crocs from about 8 inches away. Awesome. Crocodiles (and aligators) are some of the coolest animals ever. They, like sharks, are almost perfect from an evolutionary standpoint. Millions of years with virtually no modifications.
Saw many types of fish like catfish, rays, pirahna, and numerous other tropical exotic fish. Aso saw jellyfish. Those things are weird.
There was a petting pool where you could touch some small sharks and rays. I didn't feel the need to, but I think some of the fish were actually enjoying it.
Got to the giant undersea tank. There were sawfish, sand tiger sharks, reef sharks, random fish, and the coolest sea turtle. That sea turtle was really awesome to watch. It would swim right up to the glass so you could get a good look.
Left the aquarium
Got back on the train and went to the Luxor. Went through the replica of Tut's tomb. Pretty neat. The Luxor is pretty interesting too. I think I was getting vertigo looking up at the ceiling.
Saw a guy in an Arsenal shirt.
Decided I was exhausted so we got a cab back to the Aladdin.
Went to the buffet at the Aladdin. Was so tired of eating, I was craving salad. Worst Caesar salad ever.
Watched TV and went to sleep.
Wednesday, May 17
Got up.
Got ready and packed
Checked out
Left our bags at the desk
Went to the Paris for breakfast. Very nice place and a good buffet.
Went in search of a place to watch the Arsenal v Barcelona Champions League Final
Met a guy who was also looking for the game. I can't remember his name now. He used to live in Dallas but now lives in LA. He's an acquaintance of Drew Carey and was on teh game show "Distraction." Anyway, we went to Bally's and put bets on the game (he put $60 on barcelona, I put $10 on Arsenal). Then we went back to the Paris and sat in the bar and watched the game. It was fitting to watch the game at the Paris hotel since the game was being played in Paris, France.
Had to leave midway through the second half.
Went to catch our shuttle.
Shuttle to the airport with a crazy driver.
Got to airport.
Checked in
Ate at Burger King. It cost nearly $20 for two people to eat at Burger King in the Vegas airport.
Got on the plane.
Had a terrible flight. It was bumpy. They showed a movie, but I didn't pay attention (It was Cassanova with Heath Ledger). At least there were no snakes.
Landed at DFW. Waited forever for our luggage.
Got on the shuttle to the parking spot.
Found our car.
Went home
Thus endeth the narrative.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Snakes on a plane to Vegas
Okay, before I give my vacation report, let me just say that I just watched a a trailer for "Snakes on a Plane". I will NOT be seeing that.... ever. I hate snakes. Hate 'em. and the thought of being trapped on a plane with hundred of poisonous snakes is enough to send me into cardiac arrest right now. If anybody thinks it would be fun to trick me into seeing this movie, ask yourself if it will be fun to lose an arm when I rip it from its socket during my blind panic hysterical fit.
I actually want to see it (but I WON'T) since
A) Samuel L. Jackson is the lead and nothing says over the top draction (drama + action) like SLJ
B) Kenan Thompson has a role in it and he's one of the few people in the current SNL cast that absolutely cracks me up.
C) It's called "Snakes on a Plane". The title and premise are so ridiculous! Reportedly, SoaP was the working title and they eventually changed it to Pacific Air Flight 121, but Samuel L. Jackson threatened the producers with death (well, maybe not threatened with death) if they didn't change it back to "Snakes on a Plane." He said that was the only reason he took the part!
So anyway... what was I doing.... oh yeah... vacation report.
On May 14th, my wife and I got on a plane and went to Las Vegas. We came back on May 17th. Here, as best as I can remember (a week later), is what happened.
Sunday, May 14th
Drove to the Parking Spot in Irving. Parked truck. Took shuttle to DFW airport.
Went through normal airport crap. Got Starbucks. Boarded plane.
Plane ride uneventful. Biscotti & Dr. Pepper snack. Looked out window. Saw Grand Canyon. No snakes.
Landed in Vegas. Got off plane. Headed to baggage claim. Saw giant snake, scorpion, and horned frog made out of sand-like substance. Saw many signs for people I hate (Carrot Top, Toby Kieth). Got luggage.
Took shuttle to the Aladdin hotel and casino thingy. Couldn't check in yet. Dropped off luggage at bell desk. Went to buffet downstairs. Ate like pigs. Root beer for breakfast.
Wandered around mall. Looked at stuff. Bought some weird finger manicure sets from extroverted Israeli woman.
Checked in. Were accosted by employees who tried to give us a free show and dinner inexchange for wasting two hours of our day listening to some schpiel about condos. Politely declined and ran away. Went to room.
Dropped off luggage. Looked at room. Turned on TV. Turned off TV. Went downstairs.
Saw two Arsenal fans in the casino.
Went outside. Walked along the strip. Avoided scary people trying to give us cards that led to porn. Saw fountains do a routine to Celine Dion's Titanic song. Went to the Mirage. Saw lion. Got water. Wandered around.
Took train thingy to Treasure Island. Picked up tickets for Cirque du Soleil: Mystere. Went to Ben & Jerry's. Discussed how stupid a particular group of kids was.
Saw Mystere. Mystere was cool. Highly recommended. Unfortunately, I fell asleep a couple of times when the music was soothing and there wasn't a lot of fast paced action.
Went out to see the stupidest pirate show ever. I recommend everyone go see this show. It's a bunch of stupid, unmanly pirates attempting to do battle with a group of "sirens." These sirens sing ridiculous songs and dress like Britney Spears backup dancers while enticing these idiot pirates. Long story short, pirate ship sinks, sirens win, audience feels stupid and dirty. Worst pirates ever.
Went to California Pizza Kitchen for dinner. MMmmmmmmm.... CPK....
Went back to room. Watched Desperate Housewives & Grey's Anatomy. Fell asleep.
Okay, that's enough for today. I'm sure I forgot something in there (which my wife can point out to me later). Perhaps tomorrow I'll finish this.
I actually want to see it (but I WON'T) since
A) Samuel L. Jackson is the lead and nothing says over the top draction (drama + action) like SLJ
B) Kenan Thompson has a role in it and he's one of the few people in the current SNL cast that absolutely cracks me up.
C) It's called "Snakes on a Plane". The title and premise are so ridiculous! Reportedly, SoaP was the working title and they eventually changed it to Pacific Air Flight 121, but Samuel L. Jackson threatened the producers with death (well, maybe not threatened with death) if they didn't change it back to "Snakes on a Plane." He said that was the only reason he took the part!
So anyway... what was I doing.... oh yeah... vacation report.
On May 14th, my wife and I got on a plane and went to Las Vegas. We came back on May 17th. Here, as best as I can remember (a week later), is what happened.
Sunday, May 14th
Drove to the Parking Spot in Irving. Parked truck. Took shuttle to DFW airport.
Went through normal airport crap. Got Starbucks. Boarded plane.
Plane ride uneventful. Biscotti & Dr. Pepper snack. Looked out window. Saw Grand Canyon. No snakes.
Landed in Vegas. Got off plane. Headed to baggage claim. Saw giant snake, scorpion, and horned frog made out of sand-like substance. Saw many signs for people I hate (Carrot Top, Toby Kieth). Got luggage.
Took shuttle to the Aladdin hotel and casino thingy. Couldn't check in yet. Dropped off luggage at bell desk. Went to buffet downstairs. Ate like pigs. Root beer for breakfast.
Wandered around mall. Looked at stuff. Bought some weird finger manicure sets from extroverted Israeli woman.
Checked in. Were accosted by employees who tried to give us a free show and dinner inexchange for wasting two hours of our day listening to some schpiel about condos. Politely declined and ran away. Went to room.
Dropped off luggage. Looked at room. Turned on TV. Turned off TV. Went downstairs.
Saw two Arsenal fans in the casino.
Went outside. Walked along the strip. Avoided scary people trying to give us cards that led to porn. Saw fountains do a routine to Celine Dion's Titanic song. Went to the Mirage. Saw lion. Got water. Wandered around.
Took train thingy to Treasure Island. Picked up tickets for Cirque du Soleil: Mystere. Went to Ben & Jerry's. Discussed how stupid a particular group of kids was.
Saw Mystere. Mystere was cool. Highly recommended. Unfortunately, I fell asleep a couple of times when the music was soothing and there wasn't a lot of fast paced action.
Went out to see the stupidest pirate show ever. I recommend everyone go see this show. It's a bunch of stupid, unmanly pirates attempting to do battle with a group of "sirens." These sirens sing ridiculous songs and dress like Britney Spears backup dancers while enticing these idiot pirates. Long story short, pirate ship sinks, sirens win, audience feels stupid and dirty. Worst pirates ever.
Went to California Pizza Kitchen for dinner. MMmmmmmmm.... CPK....
Went back to room. Watched Desperate Housewives & Grey's Anatomy. Fell asleep.
Okay, that's enough for today. I'm sure I forgot something in there (which my wife can point out to me later). Perhaps tomorrow I'll finish this.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Fantasy Hit List
Okay, since I'm pissed off at my job (yes, again... somebody stole my lunch) and don't feel like working, I thought I'd take a moment to post my Fantasy Hit List.
This was something I thought up shortly after arriving at the Las Vegas airport recently. At the baggage carousel, I was greeted by a huge ad for Carrot Top. I hate that guy. Then I thought, gee, if I had a free pass, I'd probably shoot that guy just so I didn't have to see or hear about him anymore.
Then it turned into a list.
It's simple really. Imagine you had a gun and you had a free pass to erase 6 people (6 isn't arbitrary, by the way, I just like 6 shooters) you couldn't stand. 6 bullets, 6 less annoying people. You should really try and stay in the realm of "celebrities" and not answer things like "my boss" or "that jerk that takes up two parking spots at the Piggly Wiggly." Everybody hates those people and it's not surprising or interesting as to why you'd shoot them.
Anyway, here's mine (at least this week):
6. Carrot Top - Had I not gone to Vegas and seen his idiotic face everywhere, He might not have made the list. I don't think I need to explain why he's on this list, do I?
5. Toby Kieth - Represents everything that is wrong with today's "country" music
4. Jessica Simpson - unintelligent, unattractive, untalented, overexposed
3. Sean Hannity - Smug jackass whose idea of a perfect America is just completely WRONG
2. Barry Bonds - He makes it difficult for me to enjoy baseball
1. Larry the Cable Guy - not funny, at all. I hate all of the "Blue Collar" comedians, but this guy is the worst.
I'm thinking of turning this into my first Hellspam email. Hellspam is something I've been threatening to do for years. I'm sick of all the happy, cute, "inspiring" emails (most of which are hoaxes anyway) that people forward me so I thought about retaliating by starting to send out "evil fwds", you know, stuff that is the complete opposite of feel good or inspiring.
This was something I thought up shortly after arriving at the Las Vegas airport recently. At the baggage carousel, I was greeted by a huge ad for Carrot Top. I hate that guy. Then I thought, gee, if I had a free pass, I'd probably shoot that guy just so I didn't have to see or hear about him anymore.
Then it turned into a list.
It's simple really. Imagine you had a gun and you had a free pass to erase 6 people (6 isn't arbitrary, by the way, I just like 6 shooters) you couldn't stand. 6 bullets, 6 less annoying people. You should really try and stay in the realm of "celebrities" and not answer things like "my boss" or "that jerk that takes up two parking spots at the Piggly Wiggly." Everybody hates those people and it's not surprising or interesting as to why you'd shoot them.
Anyway, here's mine (at least this week):
6. Carrot Top - Had I not gone to Vegas and seen his idiotic face everywhere, He might not have made the list. I don't think I need to explain why he's on this list, do I?
5. Toby Kieth - Represents everything that is wrong with today's "country" music
4. Jessica Simpson - unintelligent, unattractive, untalented, overexposed
3. Sean Hannity - Smug jackass whose idea of a perfect America is just completely WRONG
2. Barry Bonds - He makes it difficult for me to enjoy baseball
1. Larry the Cable Guy - not funny, at all. I hate all of the "Blue Collar" comedians, but this guy is the worst.
I'm thinking of turning this into my first Hellspam email. Hellspam is something I've been threatening to do for years. I'm sick of all the happy, cute, "inspiring" emails (most of which are hoaxes anyway) that people forward me so I thought about retaliating by starting to send out "evil fwds", you know, stuff that is the complete opposite of feel good or inspiring.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Scumbag arrested for torturing Mercy
http://www.operationkindness.org/AnimalSponsor/ForMercy.htm#news
21-year-old scumbag named Deshann Quatrail Brown was arrested Thursday morning for the torture that led to the death of Mercy. I hope the rest of his life is as enjoyable as Mercy's last 10 days.
Operation Kindness will be having a memorial service for Mercy (and ALL animals that died due to jerky humans) on Saturday morning. Click the link above to go to OK's Mercy page for more info on Mercy, the memorial service, and the arrest of Deshann Brown.
21-year-old scumbag named Deshann Quatrail Brown was arrested Thursday morning for the torture that led to the death of Mercy. I hope the rest of his life is as enjoyable as Mercy's last 10 days.
Operation Kindness will be having a memorial service for Mercy (and ALL animals that died due to jerky humans) on Saturday morning. Click the link above to go to OK's Mercy page for more info on Mercy, the memorial service, and the arrest of Deshann Brown.
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