Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Fantasy Hit List

Okay, since I'm pissed off at my job (yes, again... somebody stole my lunch) and don't feel like working, I thought I'd take a moment to post my Fantasy Hit List.

This was something I thought up shortly after arriving at the Las Vegas airport recently. At the baggage carousel, I was greeted by a huge ad for Carrot Top. I hate that guy. Then I thought, gee, if I had a free pass, I'd probably shoot that guy just so I didn't have to see or hear about him anymore.

Then it turned into a list.

It's simple really. Imagine you had a gun and you had a free pass to erase 6 people (6 isn't arbitrary, by the way, I just like 6 shooters) you couldn't stand. 6 bullets, 6 less annoying people. You should really try and stay in the realm of "celebrities" and not answer things like "my boss" or "that jerk that takes up two parking spots at the Piggly Wiggly." Everybody hates those people and it's not surprising or interesting as to why you'd shoot them.
Anyway, here's mine (at least this week):

6. Carrot Top - Had I not gone to Vegas and seen his idiotic face everywhere, He might not have made the list. I don't think I need to explain why he's on this list, do I?

5. Toby Kieth - Represents everything that is wrong with today's "country" music

4. Jessica Simpson - unintelligent, unattractive, untalented, overexposed

3. Sean Hannity - Smug jackass whose idea of a perfect America is just completely WRONG

2. Barry Bonds - He makes it difficult for me to enjoy baseball

1. Larry the Cable Guy - not funny, at all. I hate all of the "Blue Collar" comedians, but this guy is the worst.

I'm thinking of turning this into my first Hellspam email. Hellspam is something I've been threatening to do for years. I'm sick of all the happy, cute, "inspiring" emails (most of which are hoaxes anyway) that people forward me so I thought about retaliating by starting to send out "evil fwds", you know, stuff that is the complete opposite of feel good or inspiring.

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