Saturday, April 19, 2008

Dope... and other things that sound like Pope

Dear crummy Catholic Pope Benedict XVI,

Please go away. I don't like you.
First of all, everybody knows sequels suck and after the "pope-nipple" outrage from the Joel Schumacher directed Pope Benedict XV, I was hoping we'd never have to see another one.
Second, "Benedict" has a bad history as a name in this country. Benedict Arnold was a jerk and a traitor and besides, I hate eggs no matter how they are prepared.
Third, you were a Nazi. I don't care if it wasn't by choice, you were still a Nazi.
Fourth, you're a dick. You didn't seem particularly concerned about child molesting priests before so screw you.

What I don't understand is why all the Protestants get all excited about you. People like President Bush get all enamored with meeting you and refer to you as "Your Holiness." Do they not understand where the "Protest" part of "Protestant" came from? Protestants and Catholics, other than claiming to be followers of crazy ol' Jesus and the subsequent ramblings of Paul, pretty much have nothing else in common. In some places, they still kill each other because each side thinks the other is completely wrong.
I could understand it if it was some sort of act like when heads of state pretend to get along because everybody is watching, but these fools act genuinely happy to be within the pope-a-matic bubble of the pontiff's divine light. The very foundation of Protestantism is that these followers of Christ REJECT THE POPE'S AUTHORITY AND EVERYTHING HE DECREES!!!! WTF!!!!??!!?!? Either these Xians are just stupid and ignorant of their own religion or they are hypocrites. If the pope has no authority, what is there to respect? Without authority, he's just a guy in a white robe sponging off other people's money. He's like Paris Hilton without a small dog in a purse.
If I were to come into contact with Pope Benedict and introduced myself as Pope Rotten Arsenal, do you think I would seriously get addressed with any sort of respectful, reverent title? Probably not. I'd probably get condemned for blasphemy by Catholics and Protestants alike. There is a message board devoted to listeners of a local radio show and I was elected by the members of that board as "pope" and given some authority (I have an entire section I get to moderate and I run the Deadpool!), so doesn't that mean I should be given the same respect by other "popes", whether they subscribe to that which I am pope of or not? Sure, some people might say that "it's just a dumb message board for listeners of a radio show... being pope of that is a big joke." Well, guess what, as a non-christian who finds much of what the catholic church does to be pretty sh***y, my view of Benedict is that he's a joke of leader of a dumb religion for followers of a guy with an inflated image who died 2000 years ago. Why are my beliefs less valid?
If Peggy Nadramia, High Priestess of the Church of Satan, or Bobby Henderson, founder of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster were to meet President Bush, would the prez exhibit reverence and respect to them? I doubt it. What's the difference? They are both high profile humans within a religious organization who can claim just as easily as Benedict that their authority is divinely derived.
I really wish I could meet a Catholic Pope one day just so I could treat him like any other douche bag I might meet. No "your holiness" or bowing... maybe a firm handshake and a "how ya doin", but I'll do that for any other human being.

So, enjoy your stay here, enjoy the adoration of all of your sheep, and then get the hell out of here so that my tax dollars aren't supporting the heightened security that no doubt follows you all over the damn place.



Pope Rotten Arsenal

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Good to see the blog back man.