Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Today's Lesson: Where babies SHOULDN'T come from

There is no reason for the pic on today's post, other than I just really like the old Denton, TX ska band The Grown-Ups. R.I.P.

First off, might I just point out that it would be really funny if the New England Patriots went undefeated this year, thereby making the undefeated 1972 Miami Dolphins a little less special, but only if the currently winless 2007 Miami Dolphins remained winless. THAT would make me laugh.

Rotten's Brilliant Controversial Plan #59:

There are too many stupid people having children. There are also too many people who have children when they are completely unable to properly care and support a child (much less have more than one). I propose that it become law that all males should have vasectomies at puberty (paid for by the government). Later, when the male and the specific female intended to be said male's mate can prove that the couple are financially sound, not complete morons, and can prove they have some idea of how to properly raise a child (think psychological examinations, for one), then the government shall reverse the vasectomy. Once the happy couple have managed to create their little bundle of joy, poppa gets re-snipped.

Want another kid? Go through the original process all over again.

Sure, some of you are probably thinking that this is probably infringing on some rights somewhere and that the government doesn't need to be involved in baby making. Well, too bad. The Catholic Church doesn't need to be involved in baby making either, but that doesn't stop them.

Besides, you have to have a license and prove some competency to drive a car, hunt, own a gun, etc... shouldn't you at least prove that you have some measure of responsibility before creating another human being?

I'm not saying you have to make $100k a year and score a 1600 on your SATs, but hell, I'd like there to at least be some planning involved. If you have to fill out paperwork and have your man parts screwed around with, I'm guessing you've at least thought about having a kid as opposed to a couple of 16 year old kids who either didn't get (thanks religious nuts!) or didn't pay attention to sex ed.

Added bonus: "Single" woman gets knocked up? Chances are pretty good somebody's cheatin'!

Sure there are potential problems like back-alley reverse vasectomies and such, but let's face it, men are really squeamish about other men messing around down there. And two points about that:

  1. I say men because how many women are really going to do a back alley reverse vasectomy on some guy unless that guy is going to get them pregnant?

  2. Women may have the guts to give birth or abort a fetus, but guys get close to tears just watching somebody get kicked in the crotch. Caveman acts tough, but caveman is a big wuss in regards to nether pain.
It doesn't really have to be that difficult to get approved for the "stork" license. Use the Kia method... "Do you have a job? Do you have $199?"
Maybe not that basic, but I mean you can weed out the completely unacceptable situations right off the bat. High School drop out that works the cash register at Wal-mart? As the great Magic 8-Ball once said: "Outlook not so good."

I'm not usually a big proponent of having the government step in and force responsibility down the populace's throats (or loins as the case may be), but in this case I make an exception. There are a lot of things that we're running out of on this planet.... humans are not one of them.

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